Thursday, 29 June 2017

People really fuck me off sometimes.

Cockwomble

People really fuck me off sometimes. 
For many different reasons. For instance, people that don't say thank you when you hold the door open for them... I find myself muttering 'you're welcome' or 'my pleasure' or 'fuck you you ignorant fucking ass wipe' (I wouldn't actually say that).
The same applies when you let someone in during traffic and they just breeze through without even lifting a hand in acknowledgement! Then I'm driving going 'bloody regret letting him in now....look at his arrogant hair-cut and he's in a Range Rover and blatantly doesn't live on a farm.'

Then there's the people that think they can say what they like about anyone because it's from their phone. Like the screen acts as some kind of shit-shield. Then when you question the 'Warrior Screen' they go all quiet as they realise they are a complete haemorrhoid. Let's take Klaus for instance. 

Case study 1: Klaus

Klaus is a cunt.

Last week the NHS and NICE (National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence) announced that Kadcyla (TDM1) would continue to be readily available to women with secondary breast cancer. This may not mean much to you as a) you can't pronounce Kadcyla b) you don't know what secondary breast cancer is and c) you want to get to the story about Klaus quicker. Well Kadcyla is the drug that is keeping me alive. It is currently stopping my cancer from spreading any further within my body. It gives me a relatively conventional life. It buys the average patient an extra 9 months of life. 
Secondary breast cancer is cancer that has spread beyond the breast through the lymphatic or blood system to other parts of the body. This makes you incurable. Never free from cancer. Always in Cancer land. Touching cloth every time you get an ache or pain somewhere. Always having appointments, forever. Infinity. Continuously. A Life time. Full stop. 

Anyway, there was basically some beef over whether Kadcyla would be dropped from the drugs menu because it has a hefty price tag. After all, it only buys 9 months on average. That's not much is it?

In 9 months my eldest son has learned how to dress himself, to recognise numbers, to recognise his name in written form, to brush his teeth without protest, he's gained a place at primary school, knows how to apply sarcasm in the correct fashion, has learned to ride a bike, he's travelled America, been to Finland, to Disneyland Paris, he's punched his brother in the face, managed to not poo himself, to tell me he loves me, to swim unaided etc etc etc. 
Yeah 9 months is bugger all eh?

So Kadcyla. Well, as I was already on it, it was never to be taken away from me but it would no longer be available to ladies newly diagnosed with secondary breast cancer.
This was not a case of 'I'm alright jack' this was a case of 'we are not alright Jackie'. 

These fellow breast cancer ladies deserve to know that they too will have the opportunity to access Kadcyla should they need it. 
When I read that it could be axed from the list I was gutted for these ladies. I was gutted for my past self who in September was given the conclusive proof that I will always have cancer. That I am now incurable.  What if Kadcyla wasn't available to me then?  I'd already gone though several drugs that had failed to tackle my cancer. I'm not sure I'd be sat here typing this if Kadcyla wasn't given to me.

So the charity Breast Cancer Now and a lovely lady named Bonnie Fox (she lives up to her name by the way) fronted a campaign to raise awareness of Kadcyla and to fight to keep it. They set up a petition and I know that a lot of you that read my crap signed it. Thank you my lovers. 

We received the awesome news last week that Kadcyla will remain available on the NHS and the petition had a large part to play in that!!!! You helped!!! This may not mean much in your world, but it means the world in mine. Thank you.

So, this leads me to Klaus. 
My local paper 'The Bristol Post' have been a huge supporter of Storm In A Tit Cup since it began and so they posted an article about the wonderful news regarding Kadcyla. They did make it sound a bit like I'd singlehandely saved the world...all I did was share the petition and explained why it was important to me. It was Breast Cancer Now and 'The Bonniest Fox' that did themselves proud. 
But they (Brizzle Post)  were celebrating with us in what is a great achievement and helping us to raise awareness. 

So this is how it went down.....



And then this.....



So I replied this......



It really fucked me off because it's so nobby and basically thick. 50 percent of the population will get cancer at some point in their life. 50 percent!!!! He might not have any friends but I'm sure he's got family right? We all fell out of someone's fanny. He must have someone he loves.
Then his comments were deleted as he'd obviously realised what a complete asshat he was. 

And then this was shared (thanks go out to Saranne and Trudi)....

Which cracked me up...

And then people commented about Klaus with words such as: 

Cretin
Dick
Bellend (a storm in a tit cup favourite) 
Klaus Dick Weed 
Cock monkey - about 7 times
Cockwomble (in word form this time)
Tosse - all the way from Denmark
(You lot love a phallus) 
And Mingeknuckle!!

MINGEKNUCKLE...I love it!!!!

What an outpouring of support for me and my fellow Cancer-Landers!!!! 

And it reminded me that for every Klunt (see what I did there) there are 99 legends. 

Then I thought that Klaus is just some silly Mingeknuckle with a packet of Wootsits next to his PC, cock in one hand (gradually turning yellow from cheese dust) with his pile of un-researched opinions piling up next to him like a stack of crusty porn mags. 
He didn't think about the consequences of what he wrote. He didn't realise that we are real people with real lives and that actually we might read what he's written and we may actually reply. And that we didn't ask for cancer. We just want to live. 

Can you imagine that being the dominating thing that flies around in your head?
 'I just want to be alive for as long as I can.'

And then I felt sorry for him, only a little like. 
It must suck to be that much of a shortsighted bellend. 

For Klaus xxx

13 comments:

  1. Shitpuffin is my insult of choice. Try it. Klaus is a shitpuffin. Although I may use Mingeknuckle now :-)

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  2. You my love are so freaking awesome! Klaus earns the time honoured phrase of Cuntatron, mainly used for the ones who transform from mere Cunts to megatron status!!

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  3. Up yours klaus!! Heidi you look great & as always continue to be awesome :) Xxx

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  4. Not gonna lie, snorted out loud while reading this, totally professional given I'm at work in a very highfalutin industry. (Oh my god, have always wanted to use highfalutin in a sentence...) Your artwork is on point Heidi :)Jokes aside, fecking brilliant news re drug funding! Kia kaha xx

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  5. Assclown, twatwaffle and fucknut are my favs to use against those who can barely walk erect because they have their heads crammed so far up their asses they could perform their own colonoscopies.

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  6. Heidi you look great! Mingeknuckle, I love it! So happy for the drug to still be available to everyone!

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  7. Heidi, you look amazing and you ARE amazing. Klaus - not so much! Now get back to telling us about America!!

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  8. Klaus the kunt is probably a lifelong member of the bnp and is looking forward to a mega wank at the thought of the dup getting into power I'm guessing. What a twat... Heidi you are fucking awesome. Thank you for making me laugh. I've just finished active treatment and have been feeling lost but you've inspired me to get dressed and leave the house! So much love to you xxxxxx

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  9. I think if you acknowledge heartless imbeciles like Klaus, you just encourage them. You as a police officer should know you don't feed the troll. The stalker feeds off negative reinforcers. Just block and no response, he then has no rewarding stimulus.

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  10. Hahahaha I was just reading the names out to my husband, when I said 'fucknut' out load, realising my kids were in the same room. Crap 😂😂😂 at which point I said 'oh crap, no shit, no bollocks, no shit I've sworn in front of the kids! It was the scene with martine mccutcheon and hugh grant from love actually all over again.....but slightly less glamourous!!! 😂

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  11. Hi Heidi! Just saw your storie in 'extradinary pregnancy'. I have 23 years old and i am 6 months pregnant of a baby girl. My mon died 5 years ago with cancer so i identify for this 'lifes crap'. I miss her everyday and its very sad for me not have her by my side in this steps..
    Never regret the choices you made. Your girl is in the stars with my mon too. So she is in a nice hands :b eheh.
    Good luck for your recovery. Big kiss.

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  12. Haven't heard much from you lately? You still with us?

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  13. I just watched your story on extraordinary pregnancies, crying! So many sides of life, and some are hard and painful, and some are hard and beautiful. And just a little bit it can be easy. I have so much and such a deep respect for you. And your family. I lost my mom to bc almost 6 years ago. And I lost 3 babies. Its no where near the same, but I don't wish neither one of them to anyone, not even my worst enemy.
    I strongly believe in
    God and that when I go to heaven, my girls will tell me how proud they are of me. I believe my mom takes care of them until I can take over. The missing part never stops, but in some days I find comfort knowing Ill see them again. I don't know what your view on all of this is, but I wish you that moment too! That you know that even how hard it is now, you will be able to see and hold her, and that she can assure you that she is proud.

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